I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
