Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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