Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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