Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
