whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
