i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
