I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize