some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
