I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
