Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
