what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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