id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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