the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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