My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
