I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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