Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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