OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
