i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
