Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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