What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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