there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
