umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
