Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
