yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
