FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
