Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
