i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize