he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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