Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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