And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
