"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
