i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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