I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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