when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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