im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
