so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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