he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
