If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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