You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
