i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
