phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
