did you get engaged???
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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