You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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