If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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