You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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