woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
