he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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