Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
