I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
