I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
