why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
