I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize