I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
