At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize