I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
