The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
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