Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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