I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
