paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
