so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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