OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize