He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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