Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
