once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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