the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so let's talk penis.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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