Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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