Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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